Dunno why..but im having such a mood swing lately.
i cannot stop thinking about my mum back at home.missing her every minute of my life.
my mind keeps on wondering whether she's okay or what's she up to by the time i'm wrinting this blog.
i just wanna know everything.
i can cry for hours just thinking and missing her.
my heart and mind can't rest.
yeah..i know.i can just call her,but,it's just not enuff.
i wanna be with her.
always wanna stick together.
like i said before,im kinda emotional lately.
missing her make me wanna cry all the time.
yesterday,she called me.
and i said that im missing her.
she said that i have to be strong and make her proud.
i just can listen to her sadly and just nodded my head.like she can see me by that time.
waaaaaaaaa...............
i know im just mumbling and make you guys so damn bored by reading my blog today.
can't help it la.
mak,rindu kamu.
it's not like im not happy here,but the feeling of loosing someone i love just make me kinda possesive towards people i love.
can't bear to loose anyone again.
God,help me!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
FISH DOCTOR
i just got back from giant,segamat.
before that,me n fara went for our dinner from the courtesy of zaza's scooter.
yeah fellas...i don't have any transport here in segamat.
neway,when we arrived at GIANT,fara buy some special stuff and me just pandang-pandang people around.
after fara pay for all her stuff, she went for an atm machine to withdraw some money.
and,by that time, i saw a pool of fish just swimming around in some kind of basin.
turns out to be its an eating-ur--legs-dirt fish.
im so excited to try it but, dun have enuff money for that.
fara offer herself to belanja me.
and i said okay!
its a little bit ticklish,but,very calming at the same time.
overall,thanx to fara and i really i enjoyed it!
there's some pics for u guys...
yeah fellas...i don't have any transport here in segamat.
neway,when we arrived at GIANT,fara buy some special stuff and me just pandang-pandang people around.
after fara pay for all her stuff, she went for an atm machine to withdraw some money.
and,by that time, i saw a pool of fish just swimming around in some kind of basin.
turns out to be its an eating-ur--legs-dirt fish.
im so excited to try it but, dun have enuff money for that.
fara offer herself to belanja me.
and i said okay!
its a little bit ticklish,but,very calming at the same time.
overall,thanx to fara and i really i enjoyed it!
there's some pics for u guys...
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
FLU+COUGHING=UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION
waaaa.....felling like crying right now.with a drippy nose and sore throat that im having, it just add up all the things that making my life miserable right now.
every seconds i will sneezing and coughing like s***.
just wanna get over this.i rather have a high fever than having a drippy nose like this.
i mean,i lost my sense of smell and it really makes me feel tired all the time.
i can't sleep at night. because the drippy nose making me hard to breathe.the coughing continues non stop.
i want to see a doctor but, i can't.
i ditched class today, and make my friend really mad at me.
left her all alone for the bel class.
im sorry una.really not feeling good.
she's quite pissed off with me right now.
can't do anything la darl...my drippy nose making me a lazy bump all of a sudden.
p/s:that's it for now.adios~
every seconds i will sneezing and coughing like s***.
just wanna get over this.i rather have a high fever than having a drippy nose like this.
i mean,i lost my sense of smell and it really makes me feel tired all the time.
i can't sleep at night. because the drippy nose making me hard to breathe.the coughing continues non stop.
i want to see a doctor but, i can't.
i ditched class today, and make my friend really mad at me.
left her all alone for the bel class.
im sorry una.really not feeling good.
she's quite pissed off with me right now.
can't do anything la darl...my drippy nose making me a lazy bump all of a sudden.
p/s:that's it for now.adios~
Monday, February 16, 2009
I'M SUFFOCATE
today,im quite stabilized in term of emotionally and physically.
but then, the day that goes by seems like never gonna ends any time soon.
i try to find my self in the middle of my hectic schedule as a student, here, in UiTM Segamat.
test that im having is such a nightmare.
just imagine the test is non stop from sunday till thursday.
and it just made my head wanna explode and i can feel the suffocation happening inside of me.
the assignment that always bulk up and never gonna stop can make me wanna puke just look at it.
waaahhhh..so many things to do.
the real things and the fake things.
im trying to find the true meaning of what has happened in my life this few days.
try to find the root and wanna juz to cut it off.
the love that i lost and the love that i have to find back.
it's really hard.
but,i have to deal with it.
im a big girl now.
i can handle it.
i can!
but then, the day that goes by seems like never gonna ends any time soon.
i try to find my self in the middle of my hectic schedule as a student, here, in UiTM Segamat.
test that im having is such a nightmare.
just imagine the test is non stop from sunday till thursday.
and it just made my head wanna explode and i can feel the suffocation happening inside of me.
the assignment that always bulk up and never gonna stop can make me wanna puke just look at it.
waaahhhh..so many things to do.
the real things and the fake things.
im trying to find the true meaning of what has happened in my life this few days.
try to find the root and wanna juz to cut it off.
the love that i lost and the love that i have to find back.
it's really hard.
but,i have to deal with it.
im a big girl now.
i can handle it.
i can!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
GUILTY AS CHARGED~
sometime,it makes me think that how the hell i am allowed to talk with people?because at the end of the day, i end up hurting them so badly.i can list to you what i can do with something that i call fucker's lips:-
1)ruin frenship that has been build for many years
2)backstabbed people that i love
3)make two people gado
4)make bad decision in life that can effect others
5)can make people suffer
so,that's the list that i can think of at the time.seriusly,im not joking~
i just can feel that i wanna to shut up for the rest of my life. every word that come out from my mouth can make severe damage!
so, to those people that i lie to,backstabbed to,do any bad things to...i juz wanna say sorry from the bottom of my heart.i really do.i know things will never be the same, and i accepted it with an open arm and heart.i was wrong.and it is a wise decision that u stay away from me to guarantee a happy life..because i might do it again~ i lost so many things this few days..in just a blink of eye...they treat me well,but what did i repay them...just a heartbreak and damaged soul...
as for me...days that goes by never let me feel peace...just give me the guilty feeling that eating me alive.i don't blame them to just leave me...
but,they are just too kind to be with me..seriously,things changed no matter how hard i wanna make things work between us.
i felt that i have to go~
far away~
far far away~
guys~i wanna make u happy.i love u.it never faded away.but,the feeling that i have inside just killing me to stay away from you guys.PEOPLE THAT I LOVE.beleive me although it is really hard to do so, im regretting what im doing to you day by day. last word that from me and im hoping this is the end "IM SORRY AND NEVER FORGIVE ME".
this may be a lesson for me and make me thinking that i never valued our frenship!our beautiful frenship that i ruined just like that!
p/s:im sorry.i really do.
i just can feel that i wanna to shut up for the rest of my life. every word that come out from my mouth can make severe damage!
so, to those people that i lie to,backstabbed to,do any bad things to...i juz wanna say sorry from the bottom of my heart.i really do.i know things will never be the same, and i accepted it with an open arm and heart.i was wrong.and it is a wise decision that u stay away from me to guarantee a happy life..because i might do it again~ i lost so many things this few days..in just a blink of eye...they treat me well,but what did i repay them...just a heartbreak and damaged soul...
as for me...days that goes by never let me feel peace...just give me the guilty feeling that eating me alive.i don't blame them to just leave me...
but,they are just too kind to be with me..seriously,things changed no matter how hard i wanna make things work between us.
i felt that i have to go~
far away~
far far away~
guys~i wanna make u happy.i love u.it never faded away.but,the feeling that i have inside just killing me to stay away from you guys.PEOPLE THAT I LOVE.beleive me although it is really hard to do so, im regretting what im doing to you day by day. last word that from me and im hoping this is the end "IM SORRY AND NEVER FORGIVE ME".
this may be a lesson for me and make me thinking that i never valued our frenship!our beautiful frenship that i ruined just like that!
p/s:im sorry.i really do.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
phew~
today,im quite relieved because this last few days im feeling quite sleepy all the time..maybe the overload assignment and the upcoming tests make me feel a little bit tension.my head feels wanna explode at one point~
im missing my mum ALOT.juz wanna see her and be with her all the time. i have to learn how to appreciate people around me more these days.
i keep on hurting people that i love the most~just my stupid attitude when comes with friendship.i keep on telling people that i value my friends but actually im the worse person alive.
so,now,im trying to redeem myself and gain the trust.if i can i highly doubt it.so,i juz wanna fly low at the time~
im missing my mum ALOT.juz wanna see her and be with her all the time. i have to learn how to appreciate people around me more these days.
i keep on hurting people that i love the most~just my stupid attitude when comes with friendship.i keep on telling people that i value my friends but actually im the worse person alive.
so,now,im trying to redeem myself and gain the trust.if i can i highly doubt it.so,i juz wanna fly low at the time~
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
~nice day for the calming soul~
neway, my day starts pretty good. The class that i'm having today is super damn boring. I just wanna kill myself. Gosh..my eyes cant even open up thru the whole class and im sorry sir. i do love you but, the way u're teaching really needs some help.
back home, i eat sambal sotong and fried egg. fara do it for me. thx to her im not starving today. huhu.
actually,nothing much to tell, just wanna update my journey of life to u peepers. u knw what, so many things happen yesterday. i hope i already do the best to make things better. but then again, conversation with each other is really important.u know, to know what's going on that's bothering u.
i juz wanna be a better person than i am yesterday. with the help of my friend, i hope i can. juz wanna make my anger dissapear and make things the way it is.
i dun like changes in life. i mean, the one that effect my everyday life. i hate that. i juz wanna things stay the same. but, i can't have that anymore. and i juz can be grateful to have what i have today. hope im not losing grip to it. really hope so.
the end~
back home, i eat sambal sotong and fried egg. fara do it for me. thx to her im not starving today. huhu.
actually,nothing much to tell, just wanna update my journey of life to u peepers. u knw what, so many things happen yesterday. i hope i already do the best to make things better. but then again, conversation with each other is really important.u know, to know what's going on that's bothering u.
i juz wanna be a better person than i am yesterday. with the help of my friend, i hope i can. juz wanna make my anger dissapear and make things the way it is.
i dun like changes in life. i mean, the one that effect my everyday life. i hate that. i juz wanna things stay the same. but, i can't have that anymore. and i juz can be grateful to have what i have today. hope im not losing grip to it. really hope so.
the end~
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
~never ending happiness~
so, this is my experience semasa bergelar siswi. It's not that i'm not siswi now, but. masa ni lagi terasa because i actually live in college. So, the feelings not the same with me living outside campus. aku rasa, kamu semua tahu whenever kita duduk dalam asrama, waktu yang paling best sekali adalah berada di samping kawan-kawan yang sangat la sekepala dengan kita.
so, same goes with me. every moment counts!
and kalau tak silap, masa duduk asrama la yang paling best sebab kawan tiada hadnya.
setiap kali special occasion, mesti nak diraikan together. keadaan yang tidak meriah pun jadi meriah gila tahap dewa.
and aku nak share sama kamu semua moment yang paling funny dalam hidup aku.bukan lah funny, tapi...ntahlah.hard to describe. just watch this vid yang u all will know.
p/s: This vid diambil masa piya's burfday. Just me n mira je celebrate sbab burfday minah ni hari merdeka. So...enjoy...one mo, korang semua memang tahu aku suka bangat dengan cerita hindi, so...hehehe.
so, same goes with me. every moment counts!
and kalau tak silap, masa duduk asrama la yang paling best sebab kawan tiada hadnya.
setiap kali special occasion, mesti nak diraikan together. keadaan yang tidak meriah pun jadi meriah gila tahap dewa.
and aku nak share sama kamu semua moment yang paling funny dalam hidup aku.bukan lah funny, tapi...ntahlah.hard to describe. just watch this vid yang u all will know.
p/s: This vid diambil masa piya's burfday. Just me n mira je celebrate sbab burfday minah ni hari merdeka. So...enjoy...one mo, korang semua memang tahu aku suka bangat dengan cerita hindi, so...hehehe.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
~me and HIM~
Aku ingat lagi masa kecik2 dulu selalu tengok ayah pergi kerja sambil hisap puting dan duduk sebelah dia.
Aku tanya pada ayah “ayah…nak ikut?”
Ayah toleh pada aku “Tak boleh..ayah nak pergi kerja.”
Aku tengok ayah jalan tinggalkan aku. Hati aku sayu sangat bila badan ayah dan badan aku semakin menghasilkan jarak yang maha jauh. Masa tu umur aku 6 tahun. Itu pun ingat2 lupa. Tapi..perasaan itu, aku ingat. Sedih dan sayu bila ayah tinggalkan aku.
Bila umur aku masuk belasan tahun, aku makin rapat dengan manusia yang aku panggil ayah!
Apa yang aku nak dia tunaikan, walaupun lambat.Aku mesti dapat apa yang aku nak.
Itu lah ayah. Dia sanggup carikan apa yang aku nak sampai aku puas hati. Jahatkan aku? Suka suruh ayah buat macam2. Ayah tak pernah bantah. Tak pernah kata TIDAK.
Bila ayah amik aku kat sekolah, aku suka sangat sebab tak payah nak duduk dalam bas sekolah yang maha panas dan berbau peluh budak2 cina yang bau lebih kurang sama dengan bawang putih! bayangkan masamnya mereka!
ayah akan tunggu aku dengan sabar. aku pulak jalan bagai itik pulang petang. ayah tetap sabar tunggu anak perempuan dia sorang ni. ayah selalu kata “akak…ayah kalau dah takde..sape nak layan kerenah anak ayah sorang ni..
aku pandang ayah sambil jeling sikit. (sakit ati kalau dia mention pasal dia ‘takde’)
“ayah nak pergi mana?Ah…jangan mengada..ayah akan stay jadi ayah akak sampai bila2.”
ayah gelak je.balik rumah dia mengadu dengan mak..dia cakap yang aku tak nak lepaskan dia. aku nak susahhkan dia sampai bila2.tapi, lepas tu mak cakap, kalau tak dia tak nak aku susahkan dia, jangan layankan sangat perangai aku ni. tapi lepas tu dia jawab…mana boleh…dia ada anak perempuan sorang je. itu lah racun.itulah madu.
aku baring atas katil sambil senyum puas!yes!aku punya kedudukan dalam hati ayah lagi ‘UP’ dari kedudukan mak…huhu..sorry mak..daughter always win!
aku ni pencinta binatang..sebut aja apa yang aku nak bela..semua ayah belikan. rabbit..hamster…kucing…burung,,,semuanya ayah tunaikan. dia suka bila aku sayangkan binatang. bila kucing atau one of my pets mati..aku nangis macam nak gila. ayah selalu cakap…ni baru kucing yang mati..kalau ayah atau mak yang mati macam mana? aku terdiam!
tak pernah terlintas kat kepala otak aku ni yang mak dan ayah akan tinggalkan aku satu hari nanti. hidup aku terlalu best, hinggakan aku tak pikir pasal benda mengarut macam tu!
umur aku masuk 20…hidup masih lagi best. aku tak tahu erti hilang dan sedih yang boleh rasa macam dada rasa nak pecah!
masuk 22,aku rasa kehilangan yang pertama. abang!
masuk 23,kehilangan terbesar..ayah kesayangan aku. aku tulis benda ni dah lama. tapi…aku tak pernah rasa nak post bagi korang baca apa dalam hati aku ni..sekarang aku nak korang baca…motif? takde…saje je nak share..ada orang kata sharing is loving…apa2 pun…hargai ibu bapa korang selagi diorang ada dan spent as much time yang boleh dengan mereka…..believe me…every time u spent wif them..is really damn worth it!
Aku tanya pada ayah “ayah…nak ikut?”
Ayah toleh pada aku “Tak boleh..ayah nak pergi kerja.”
Aku tengok ayah jalan tinggalkan aku. Hati aku sayu sangat bila badan ayah dan badan aku semakin menghasilkan jarak yang maha jauh. Masa tu umur aku 6 tahun. Itu pun ingat2 lupa. Tapi..perasaan itu, aku ingat. Sedih dan sayu bila ayah tinggalkan aku.
Bila umur aku masuk belasan tahun, aku makin rapat dengan manusia yang aku panggil ayah!
Apa yang aku nak dia tunaikan, walaupun lambat.Aku mesti dapat apa yang aku nak.
Itu lah ayah. Dia sanggup carikan apa yang aku nak sampai aku puas hati. Jahatkan aku? Suka suruh ayah buat macam2. Ayah tak pernah bantah. Tak pernah kata TIDAK.
Bila ayah amik aku kat sekolah, aku suka sangat sebab tak payah nak duduk dalam bas sekolah yang maha panas dan berbau peluh budak2 cina yang bau lebih kurang sama dengan bawang putih! bayangkan masamnya mereka!
ayah akan tunggu aku dengan sabar. aku pulak jalan bagai itik pulang petang. ayah tetap sabar tunggu anak perempuan dia sorang ni. ayah selalu kata “akak…ayah kalau dah takde..sape nak layan kerenah anak ayah sorang ni..
aku pandang ayah sambil jeling sikit. (sakit ati kalau dia mention pasal dia ‘takde’)
“ayah nak pergi mana?Ah…jangan mengada..ayah akan stay jadi ayah akak sampai bila2.”
ayah gelak je.balik rumah dia mengadu dengan mak..dia cakap yang aku tak nak lepaskan dia. aku nak susahhkan dia sampai bila2.tapi, lepas tu mak cakap, kalau tak dia tak nak aku susahkan dia, jangan layankan sangat perangai aku ni. tapi lepas tu dia jawab…mana boleh…dia ada anak perempuan sorang je. itu lah racun.itulah madu.
aku baring atas katil sambil senyum puas!yes!aku punya kedudukan dalam hati ayah lagi ‘UP’ dari kedudukan mak…huhu..sorry mak..daughter always win!
aku ni pencinta binatang..sebut aja apa yang aku nak bela..semua ayah belikan. rabbit..hamster…kucing…burung,,,semuanya ayah tunaikan. dia suka bila aku sayangkan binatang. bila kucing atau one of my pets mati..aku nangis macam nak gila. ayah selalu cakap…ni baru kucing yang mati..kalau ayah atau mak yang mati macam mana? aku terdiam!
tak pernah terlintas kat kepala otak aku ni yang mak dan ayah akan tinggalkan aku satu hari nanti. hidup aku terlalu best, hinggakan aku tak pikir pasal benda mengarut macam tu!
umur aku masuk 20…hidup masih lagi best. aku tak tahu erti hilang dan sedih yang boleh rasa macam dada rasa nak pecah!
masuk 22,aku rasa kehilangan yang pertama. abang!
masuk 23,kehilangan terbesar..ayah kesayangan aku. aku tulis benda ni dah lama. tapi…aku tak pernah rasa nak post bagi korang baca apa dalam hati aku ni..sekarang aku nak korang baca…motif? takde…saje je nak share..ada orang kata sharing is loving…apa2 pun…hargai ibu bapa korang selagi diorang ada dan spent as much time yang boleh dengan mereka…..believe me…every time u spent wif them..is really damn worth it!
stupid boring ass life!
today,i’ve just finished my reading. yeah…i do read…believe or not.
currently im listening to morning musume pepper keibu (thanks to aida n fahmi) and also britney’s womanizer.pretty nice songs!
the whole day, im watching greys anatomy marathon.
ive watched it non stop. just keep going and wanna know what’s next.
gotta tell you, sometimes Meredith deserve wutever happen to her and she has to stick to wutever she wants in life. poor Derek. and dun get me started with izzie. enuff already with ur sob story. get over it and fuck alex. he’s damn hawt! plus, he loves you!
i wanna start read my second book. just bought it. pretty damn good. and thanx to zaza that introduce me to Rachel gibson’s work. she’s brilliant! cant make me stop reading for a sec.
haih~
i dunno where to start. actually, my life pretty boring. no boyfren to lovey dovey with. no drama to share and no sex story to tell. just the plain me with stupid reading habit!
i just have interesting frens that i love so much…
i think..that’s it for today. will update soon…
p/s:memandang kan aku takde line internet di rumah(but now dah ada), so, aku kena tulis apa yang aku rasa dalam words and paste kat blog ni. aida dah bising sebab takde update about my life. bukan takde…jz…takde apa yang nak dicakap!
currently im listening to morning musume pepper keibu (thanks to aida n fahmi) and also britney’s womanizer.pretty nice songs!
the whole day, im watching greys anatomy marathon.
ive watched it non stop. just keep going and wanna know what’s next.
gotta tell you, sometimes Meredith deserve wutever happen to her and she has to stick to wutever she wants in life. poor Derek. and dun get me started with izzie. enuff already with ur sob story. get over it and fuck alex. he’s damn hawt! plus, he loves you!
i wanna start read my second book. just bought it. pretty damn good. and thanx to zaza that introduce me to Rachel gibson’s work. she’s brilliant! cant make me stop reading for a sec.
haih~
i dunno where to start. actually, my life pretty boring. no boyfren to lovey dovey with. no drama to share and no sex story to tell. just the plain me with stupid reading habit!
i just have interesting frens that i love so much…
i think..that’s it for today. will update soon…
p/s:memandang kan aku takde line internet di rumah(but now dah ada), so, aku kena tulis apa yang aku rasa dalam words and paste kat blog ni. aida dah bising sebab takde update about my life. bukan takde…jz…takde apa yang nak dicakap!
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